A Look Back on 2011

Money. Insurance. Things I'd learned in the first half year.

They are the big things in life that you'd never learned in classrooms. The knowledge I gained was quite unexpected when I joined the insurance company as my temp. It wasn't only about insurance, it's about money as well. You know you need insurance and money for child's education, your health. And your retirement, which normally as young as us take it for granted. So, plan ahead!

Independence. Love and passion. Things I learned in the next half year.

I craved for so long to be on my own and do my own things. It's because I'd never left home for once in my life for the longest period. The New Life is great. I enjoy every second of it. But it also means control and discipline. Whatever you do, you have to take control. What you eat, your health, and most importantly your time between studies and play. Which normally, the main concern of many undergraduates.

Love and passion - good things always left for last. More love and love, passion and more passion I grow each day, deep inside me. I love you and will always cherish the moment we'd been together. It wasn't the longest time, but we managed to went through our first time. Lots of experiments and first-times. That will only be kept between us. We'll always looking forward to our next meeting in the new year. And I'll always hoping to ever make contact with you in much anticipation. Hopefully, we'll be more comfortable and closer toward each other. I know, the thing growing inside of me is called passion. I love you, my dearest.

Happy new year, world people. Even though this year may not be your best's. You just gotta keep pushing on and don't fall back. Hold on tight, tomorrow will be another brand new year (day).

School Internet

Before the mark of my final post of the year in a few more days,(which I wasn't going to mention this topic in my final post!) I have a say about my school's internet. (sure this isn't the perfect outlet for school complains! I'm not trying to draw the school's attention anyway)

First of all, they restrict our freedom to watch videos and to download movies based on the ground that we just watch too much porns. Ok, I still can tolerate with the movies part. But they block the giant youtube website?! Do they have any ideas? Any ideas at all that youtube also serves as educational tool?

There was an article in our campus paper saying blocking youtube is based on the student's demand because it slows down the connection wtf. What I'd like to say is these students are not wise enough. I don't know how they study, but sometimes when I study I need videos as references. Even some of the textbooks encourage us to watch videos of demonstrations.

This is really frustrates me. Who the hell are these people? Where they came from?

Paleolithic's. I see.

Carefree Vagabond

What is your first impression when you see a girl, or a guy having meal alone at a restaurant?

When they asked me where I was going,  I told them I was joining the army. Their eyes were almost popped out of their sockets and blood drained from their faces, like they just heard about alien invasion. They scurried home to pack and left for Mars. They couldn't believe what I told them as if I just came out from the asylum.

There's a difference between a guy or a girl having meal alone. We are paranoid lot. If people see you going somewhere alone, like if you're a woman and going to war for the sake of the country, they see you as real pathetic. Because normally, women are going anywhere with their companions. Whatever they do and wherever they go, there's always somebody, whoever, by their side. If you have nobody, you're freak and really pathetic.

"Oh, you're so pathetic."

Oh so pathetic. Sipping coffee while enjoying the freedom of roaming.

Then you'd hear: It's dangerous. People will shoot you or kidnap you. Snatch your gun. You shouldn't go alone.

The Good Watch

Since I got to my new place and started a different life, I've lost track of most of the blockbuster flicks and Hollywood movies. Hence the below list of my favourites that I hope I'll be able to catch up after the final exam when I get home:

Horror's never fail to be on top of my list. I totally forgot the last horror movie I watched.

I've always wanted to watch this one. It still remains on my list. I haven't even started the book yet. Urrrggh!

I was upset about this one. I saw the book when I was at the book festival in KL, and it grabbed me and I did picked up the book. I didn't know why I just didn't bought it. Maybe I just distaste trilogy. 

This controversial movie is directed by Jolie. I always admire her effort in humanitarian and outlook. She always remain the most beautiful woman on earth. I can't understand why Aniston top the chart, she doesn't even look "beautiful". Looks normal to me. 

Can't wait to watch this one either. I saw the trailer. Really funny. Maybe silly funny for some though. Wish I could watch it with Dan. Snuggle on the couch, wooooo~~.

I loooove Washington. His acting is just so real in every movie he's in. If I have to count, I think I watch his movies more than any other actor's in my life. So far, his movie never disappoint me. After Deja Vu, Inside Man, The Book of Eli, The Taking of Pelham 123, and The Bone Collector, huh?

Yes, most are quite disturbing. I like disturbing movies. I just like the feel of at the edge of my chair and have a taste of goosebumps plus grinding my teeth.

Really looking forward to my long school holiday. It'll be all about entertainment. There are a few more books I haven't started and finished yet.

Just like one of those days when I was in my hometown. Movies and books. Don't forget some popcorn and snacks. Oh, how I miss it so much...

Sacrifice vs Rebellion

Sometimes, you'll have to give up something in order to gain something. You can't eat your cake and have it too.

There will come a time when I have to make a decision. A crucial decision which some lovers may see it as big sacrifice, whereas others may take it as defiance. I wonder it'd make any difference in my half of lifetime. No doubt, it'll affect everyone of the people in my circle.

It's true I have had and still have a really long time to think about the dilemma. For a few years now, in addition to a few more years from now. But I just couldn't find decent excuses nor revenues to counteract the problem, at the very least. Yes, I still have a few more years to think about it...maybe then I'd grow wiser as I aged and come up with good explanations and the reasons.

It's such a big deal because it involves my principle. I'm against doing something I'll regret and counting the wakeful nights for the rest of my life.

They are such decent people to be thrown under the bus. My decision will mean a lot and make phenomenal differences for me, and for them.

Maybe when I leave, I won't be leaving as the dark gunman walking in the rain, with long cloak flying behind...

Brought The Head Home

I just finished an important final task and I'm at the front of the deadline.

Damn you deadline! Darn it!

I defeated you! I beat the pants off you! HA HA HA!

How you had been made me struggle for this whole week. It's payback time!

Victory came my way. And I found it! It got its eyes on me after all.

Bravo! Clap! Clap! Clap! Wheeee....whew....wheee....wheew....

Yay! I'm all pumped. I feel like making MJ's moonwalk right now.

What's next?

Freedom Gray

This isn't supposed to be the right time to do this. But I really feel like doing it. Even though my time is running out.

I get the notion that my time is seriously running out and the freedom I'm enjoying right now is running short. Yes, I'm talking about freedom. Oh Freedom, how I always enjoy being with you....

DUH!! GOSH!

I really can't put myself in a position like them to imagine MEE of having a roomie. Like, you can't talk loud, you can't sing loud, you can't turn the music loud, you can't leave the light on, you can't make noise, you can't even FART!! I don't sweep and I like to collect dust!

Being on my own is having me-time. And me-time is important to me, that's what I'd call it Freedom. I have an invisible friend and whoever he or she is called Freedom. I'd name it Freedom. I talk to Freedom everyday and Freedom agrees with whatever I say. We're BFF.

We share the same pet peeves and we're really sensitive and critical about lots of stuff. If you're going to be my roomie, you better come across this and think twice before you come through that door.

Yes, I'm a schizo.

Gosh, I should consider name my future baby Freedom. Freedom Gray. Sounds cool.

Food Porn

I feel like I'm going on a binge lately. i AM on a binge.

Exam around the corner aside, I might have some "unconscious conflict" going around not that I'm aware of. Duh?!

Anyway, I've been on this diet for about a month now, which is only one meal a day. It works well on me so far, no dizziness and no gastric. This diet is only based on my common sense. You actually don't need three meals a day to survive, IF you don't move around much, that is, if you only spend most of your day sitting here and there. And these days, my lifestyle seems to be going sedentary - 80% of the time spent on the chair.

Of course I do get hungry but not too-hungry. And I only take two to three cookies to get over it. As long as you eat something, even small amount would be suffice to stop your hunger pang, and to avoid gastric (though I never in my life had gastric) yet not to make yourself full like you eat a whole meal. Remember, I'm on a diet.

People always say "OMG, really?" "it's not healthy," "it's wrong." But they never give me any concrete facts and reasons of how it's going to affect me. Like my stomach is their stomach and they can say whatever please them.

Back to my binge. I'm still on one meal per day - have lunch only. But lately, I'm on a binge. As I said, I might be having this "unconscious conflict" that push me into the binge. I've been taking snacks more than usual. I'm not having bulimic symptoms, so don't get me wrong on that.

I'm full and I just had my lunch. Now I'm going to tear open my snacks. Yummy yummy.

Familiar Voice

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are to disrupt my circadian rhythm?
Who do you think you are to call me at 2 in the morning?

You think you are all mighty and important?

Are you involve in human trafficking ring? Are you going to kidnap and trade me for money?

Who the hell  you think you are? From zero to zero.

URRRRGGGHHHH....!!! DISGUSTING! SICKENING!

Yada yada.

If I See It This Way...

"i don't like to think of you in that country. It is really corrupt with limited opportunity."

He's been here once. So that's how he sees it. 

I don't have to go afar to know how good or bad my own country is. I read enough to know how badly I want to leave this corrupted place. If only I keep on dwelling, my world will only keep getting smaller. Because I read enough to know well how big the world out there, a wealth of opportunity you won't find it here. That's how it makes me feel I lost some sense of belonging. How I always believe that I'm growing up out of place. That I don't fit.

How to face these people? How to explain my own belief? Because nobody sees the way I see it. Nobody tries to understand and accept my own belief. 

My belief is to sell them down the river. Double crossing them as I've been there, done that. That's how they see it.

Damsel in Distress

Lately I found out an excuse to reject all distractions.

Since the semester started, I've been quite shaky about my performance. To be able to study something that I have passion in is a blessing. And I haven't been really appreciate it and indulge myself well in it.

December is finally here and it also means I'm in a critical period. As life or death will be determined in December. I need to work on my biological clock. It's taking its toll on me lately I almost passed out on the street.

My anxiety is horrible note to self: no means NO. Period.