False Hope

I don't remember the last time a person and false hope that I encountered. But this time it struck me pretty clearly.

I hardly seek for anyone, except when I truly desperate or the situation almost cannot be revived. I don't ask, I also don't wait for people to offer me. Until I was being offered and given choices, I snap and snap without question. When I snap, I feel like I was given chance, hope. And when you have hope, you pretty much praying hard for it.

Except it isn't.

It's like you have given up life. Your last will to live has been broken and you cannot trust anyone but yourself.

I trust my own independence. I guess that makes my inadequacy at depending on somebody. I'm not good at depending on anyone else because I don't trust easily, or maybe it's insecurity.

When you depend on somebody, there will be either dramas or conflict which I always try to avoid. They are mostly a waste of time than investing on your own independence, which will reward yourself much better in any way.

But I guess it hurts more when your most loved one gives you false hope. Someone you thought you can count on.

Anyway, it's material. No biggie.

Highlight of The Year

I had one close friend at the end of my high school year. We cared so much of each other, and she knew boyfriend. We spent especially many times together. But our close relationship didn't last.

For almost three years now, you came into my life. It is almost like a reincarnation. I met another kindred spirit. I have to say, you are. For some reasons, you attracted to a quiet person like me, and we end up living together. It is almost like unbelievable to me. 

I guess not many girls are like me, and not many people would want to mix with me because I hate groupies. But I have to admit, maintaining a friendship is as hard as making one.

Or maybe I just don't feel like being as friendly as a puppy and put up a bright smile 24/7, asking around 'how you doing today', it just not me. Maybe because I'm normally on a mission, saying hi is just getting my way; or I'm just plain arrogant.

Anyway, we just got closer. Pathetically, it just get me years to get warm up. Sometimes, I do things unbelievable, even to myself.

PS: I finally got praise from bf about my well-written previous post. Yay! Maybe I should consider to frame it. lolz!

A Passerby Worth Remember

I am a helper. I don't care who you are - a good stranger, an acquaintance, or nobody - I will help you because I am capable. I am easy going, although I am unapproachable.

I met a new acquaintance whom I did not speak to, though I'd not say a new friend. Because I knew once we departed, we will never meet again.

Sometimes when you help too much, you just don't know what you got yourself into. I told myself this is a test, a phase. I am an extremely patient woman. A very peaceful one.

Sorry to say, in my case, elementary school friends is a phase, high school friends is a phase, university friends is a phase. You have to be realistic. Because they are your entertainers, gossipers; they keep you happy just for the moment; when you need help, you are too embarrass to ask; or they simply pretend you are not there.

At times, you just don't know why you are there. What is your purpose when you neither entertainer nor a host. Merely shadow. When you are there, you are invisible; when you are not there, people keep asking around.

I call them, hypocrite. You do not serve my purpose; I do not serve yours. I am neither a friend nor an acquaintance.

Just a passerby.

Merely Blah Blah

One evening, I told one of my frens:

"I think I have autism. At least I have certain features. I like to be alone."

"Nope. I think you are very independent. You're quite resistance sometimes and that makes you cool. I think it's good."

We see each other everyday. I'm not sure she doesn't know things much, or she simply doesn't know me well.

One day, I told my bf:

"I think I'm an autistic."

"Yes, you have some signs of it. It's good you recognize it. Some people don't get diagnosed until middle age."

My soul mate. My carer. He speaks from his heart.

The next day, I told my other fren:

"I think I have certain features of autism. I don't like people and very much like myself better. I'm pretty much in my own world. I like to do things on my own."

"...huh, really...?"

"I told my bf, and he said it's good I recognize it..."

"Wahh...yer...," she twisted her face and chuckled. She thought I was trying to get her attention, and trying hard to make her day with my statement. Then she keeps tapping her Samsung phone away.

Few hours ago, I told my bf:

"Yesterday, I was so awkward to have lunch with Dr who I haven't started talking to since the semester starts two months ago. Last night was awkward too with another Dr. Everyone at the table was talking and laughing to make the night super-fantastic, I was silent and laughing along even though I didn't get the joke...

"My dramatic step is to avoid people, so at the end of the day, I don't have to be bothered with people and my own problems. I'd rather change route and comfort myself it's good to exercise, take a long walk home."

"Hmm...I think you over-think."

He made a point. After we both analyze everything, among other things too.

My comforter.

So much of autism.

Mrs Mouse

I was told that I look cute, young, beautiful and like Minnie. I love them all nonetheless.

I admit, I was a little worried how it might turned out. But credit to Mr.Gray for his recommendation, and Nancy too. Yet, because of Mr.Gray, I wouldn't have the courage to have a makeover; he who also brought me many compliments.  

A guy in my class kept staring at me, for two days. I was a little bothered, because I didn't want him to head over heels in love with me. Too many admirers will bring me headache, you know.

I hope with this new haircut, luck will be on its way.

Exhilaration

I start to run again. For the very first time, after a few months.

I plan to do my hair. This time for real. Something gain, something lost, and something change. But it's not going to be a deja vu. I blame my last hairdo to be a curse, bad luck! Maybe it's the color, or the curls.

It was the stupid cupid! If I ever see you again, I'll make sure to throw my shoe at your face!

The last time I got my hair done, I lost something. This time, I lose it once more. I hope for the better, and hope the lightning won't strike thrice the same place.

I will make sure it won't. I'm so sick of it. I totally gave up like a loser! For the better. Cheeeeese!

Good to have some focus this semester, until the next. Writing is something. Gosh, I really try to make myself good at it. I have the chance now.

No more sleepy books; no more distractions. Only writings, in addition with some bacteria companies. Guess you become my lover for a while.

The more I hate you, it just makes me love you more. So lets grow big and in abundance!

Marry or Hooker?

Burn the dresses, smash the photos, throw away the ring. Arms on the hips and stand tall like Superman against all the machine gun bullets shot on his bullet-proof suit. He has the suit, I don't have.

I'm more like, fling everything out as hard as the ligaments holding my bones.

I'm not as free as I wish to be. But I try to manage. Having gone through everything, I will try to smile, even the smile turns out to be a little awkward "eeeee". And this interval turns out to be therapeutic: sooth the mind, heart and soul. I'm at peace.

You are right all along, I should have listened to you. I just can't get over the fact that you are wiser than me. Now I salute you.

What could be worse than committing suicide? Being simply marry, or being a hooker?

Do you know the weight of sins of being a hooker and being committing suicide?

I think having no choice is the worse of life.

Now I try to read.

Ah...Frenz

Please forgive me, I always feel so small in a group. I have to say, I almost backed out at the eleventh hour.

Everyone always have something to say about everyone, in your face or behind backs. I want to let you know, it is a-Okay. I have been one to talk, and a topic over a table, for many pros and cons.  

When you sneeze or your ear itches, it is a sign. We are talking about you. Something valuable for us friends. What can I say, we are just being women, or girls. In search of bliss in time of happiness. 

Thank you for never give up on me. Guess only we know each other better and it's been two years. Hope we catch up again for more. 

Emotional Check

"Honestly, look me in the eye and tell me. Are you happy?"

A friend asked.

"I'd say I'm content," I said.

Maybe it's not a satisfying answer, so it reflects my unhappiness at some point.

"Do you think it's enough?"

"Do you want to stay in your country?"

I responded negatively. I'm afraid of what I've been feeling for this long. I would grow out of it, and then feel numb, and then give up expecting and put all of it behind.

I always ask myself the first question, many, many times, and I did brought it up and then fought about it. Until another person asked me this question again, only did it start to mess up my mind a little bit.

"Content" is not the answer. It's either you're happy, or you're not happy. If you feel content, you never get ahead and only remain in circle. You never expect for more and only remain where you are at the moment. I think I gave him the wrong answer. He knew.

This country is so boring. People are imitating everywhere and lack its originality. It is getting ahead, or maybe not. And it's undergoing whatever the developed nations had gone through.Why can't we be like Japan and Korea? If I want a Western life, I'd better go to its origin.

Shit, I feel so old. Inside and out. Time to migrate, MIGRATE!!

yada yada...

Assuming That

I hate the moment the flight takes off. That instant moment its wheels leaves the pavement. It always gets my head so heavy, so unease.

When you don't know that person, what can you do about it? You size up what you see with your eyes. What do you know about behind those strange eyes staring back at you? Maybe this is human, one of the basic human nature since we're born. Even baby reacts to what is beautiful and what is not.

What do they know? What you know anyway? You only take what is on display but never try to understand, or seek understanding. Then you go on making up your mind, assuming.

Ignorance is tiring, explanation is troublesome. Speaking not always my strong suit. I thought some day, you would help me out, and take the stage for me. Just like you said, a win-win situation.

My wise teacher told us once: Never Assume. Sounds like a bad crime that came out from her mouth. And that's true. Put in wrong use, your perceptions will be clouded, logical thinking will be blinded, leading you to distraction, and making a foolish conclusion. Making you look like a fool and you will tell yourself that.

Please, not two years, or three years. We've waited this long. I've come all the way, from east to north, and I always wish to go west. You know you have gone through a part of what we're going through. Only if you could understand.

Little Happiness

Hmm...lately have no appetite, broke, and...itchy.

Bacteria has been eating up my flesh slowly, I wish I am slimmer than I look. It's no fun being The Host and feeding this little aliens. Somehow, wish I could be like them.

Hmm...what am I to do with you? Nothing. I surrender to you.

Facebook seems to be getting more and more ridiculous and unreliable. However, its instant feedback still reigns. Probably that's the only reason I stay. I wish, a little change won't need an explanation. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. Just leave me at the backstage, with lights off.

A reunion soon. Family still the best. No place like home. When life push you a little, you can still cry all the way home. Only that door open with light on, when others close up on you. I'm glad I haven't had my own.

Taste of Arab Spring...Almost

For the first time, I feel how you felt, and how you are feeling right now. It is in the mix. I don't consider myself as a true patriot, but today, I shed tears for my country.

Steaming but calm; disappointed but not giving up; happy but not showing. There are many reasons for this. There are lessons learned after the Tsunami: unity and spirit. Things that happen in front of your eyes, is not factual enough, but the true is, you have to accept it, that's what makes the heart-wrench.  But this is only the first wave, and I know you did your best, we all did our best. Maybe it was because of me.

Some says, true freedom is in the making. We should be proud of how far we've come. So don't cry, just give each other a pat on the back, or a pat on where your heart is located.

Today, tomorrow, and following years that comes will be remained, because change is only in the air.

Don't forget, you are a fighter, even you are not a patriot. Kudos to the countrymen!

While So Many Works

Suddenly it hits me. Yesterday was the first time of my life I had the time to edit my assignment because it was not a last-minute work.

When they asked me why I had a knife, it sounded as serious as why don't you have a gun in the United States. When I heard the sound of the name of Kim Kardashian, I couldn't help but to rolled my eyes in class.

Kane, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Undertaker and The Rock. Remind me of our childhood day. Now I know, wrestling was not something brudda's fancy. But those six packs, barrel chests, and loads of guns. I hadn't figured out well why the big chest and muscle men. Each of us pick and choose. Somehow, The Undertaker was my pick of the crop. So I thought. Kane was hers, Austin was his.

Someone never closes to me is on his way to heaven. Young and handsome and getting hitch soon. From eye contact to his voice, we never really talked to each other. Nonetheless, knowing somebody you only met  a few times, sipping drinks with a few friends then dropped dead. Life is so fragile, even you treasure every moment of it, you still wouldn't know your number is up. Still, we try our best to live in the moment.

My facebook page is adding in more heels and fashion pages. Many beyond my price range. Among many, West Fashion (Forever 21), or anything from US top my list. Serving as eye candy isn't a bad idea after all.

Please, I can assure you, I am not this pathetic most of the time.

ParaNorman

Thank you, you've reminded me how strong I am. The suck-ups I've been doing all this time has almost left me in oblivion. People think I'm negative, but you are right, behind this poker face, is an everyday fighter.

Being quiet different, I never got bullied, got pulled aside, locker got "freak" word every morning, or head got pushed into the toilet seat in school. Only once in a while, I get stares, that's all. Maybe it's the different culture. People don't get bullied here by being quiet, or that you can see spirits or talk to them.

But somehow I can connect my characteristic in Norman. He isn't interested in making friends, or get involve in the school play. In fact, he gets annoyed all the time except he has taste normal people don't have - zombies. He is different because he has a gift (if you rather call it a gift), that even his family doesn't buy it.

Well, of course zombies not my cup of tea, nor I'm paranormally gifted. At least he is better than me I guess. Having at least a square friend like Neil isn't that bad, who would stand up for you, and believe in your "gift" and try to understand you.

When you only get stares, you have positive words to move on. Yes he gets bully but never being negative. He is a fighter. He turns the table in the end, and persuades Aggie to let go.

You don't have to make a great breakthrough to be a fighter. You are already a fighter, even in a very insignificant way. You fight not to have conflict, to be calm against agitation, for textbook instead of facebook, or food cravings. These everyday battles make you a fighter. You will never, ever underestimate yourself!

If you can't get through my words, how can you get through my head?

Your Separation and My Social Anxieties

If you can't define us (you don't deserve to!), get the hell out of here!!

I'm sorry if my fake eyebrows and cosmetic lenses distracted you for a second. Because they aren't perfect. If somehow they bothered you because they aren't real, you can just leave and look somewhere else. Maybe I don't worth your time. I like to look better in photos, because I'm not as photogenic as you are.

I don't feel sorry if my sexiness has offended you somehow. Because that's made me who I am. Current environment has oppressed me to its limit. I need a better one to open up myself and express myself better. Not only in my writing, but how I present myself out there. When you can't take it, you have an issue. And deal with it!

You have made me happy. Whenever you are around, you always bring out the real and natural me. I started to realized, you are my skin. My world only comes together whenever you are around. We don't have emotional barrier, not to mention language one. But Mandarin has made me weirdo somehow. That day, you have told me I'm your best friend. I never thought I'd hear it at this complicated stage of my life. You are an unsung hero.

As long as I'm happy, and I never hurt anyone. I don't blame anyone. I don't fit the environment. I have to be strong and ride this out. Out of your sight and mind. Someday, I will say goodbye, and fly away.

No.405, Passionate Lane, Loveland

When the heads turned, I was like "a-hem, okay, there you go". Then eyes and ears were opened up to me. My heart pounded a thousand pounds per minute. And so I shared my introduction of my very first article in my seat. Believe me, I don't like attention. Good or bad. Fortunately, my introduction got a good nod. Booya!

My subsequent all-nighter has taken its toll on my memory lately. You saw the sign. Piñacolada has become my number one drink, please remember it for me love. Thanks for the recommendation. It was love at first taste. It tasted as sweet as it looked. You must be grateful I'm a teetotaler.

Then came the Mexican cuisine. Too bad I don't get the chance to taste the pure from your country. I'm glad that I know now they don't taste as good as you've tasted before. I appreciate the experience though. Guacamole & chips, or taco, guess which one is my favorite?

Oh, don't forget New Shanghai, your favorite chinese there. You ranked it first. See, my memory retains only your information. I see you are smiling from ear to ear now. So am I. Just to see your child not only at heart, but on your face too. Smile for me. Cheeeeze!

Thanks for making that face for me. Nothing beats being silly and laughed. Do you know this is a classic photo? To ask for your silly face is like asking for a moon and a star from you. It beats diamond ring too, you know.

Ok, enough of your attention. Now my highlights. Thanks for being silly with me. Trying on your giant new pant even sillier. Now, you really have to admit of your bigger waistline. You'd been so fatty, cheesy, starchy, and sugary. You have a cut-back work to do or an abstention. You're not getting young.

Thanks for making me a celebrity to the club. I was so beautiful to the club those bouncers recognized me. I may had have given them long kisses into the night if you weren't around. They should had asked for my signature, don't you think so? Your baby-s, honey-s, honey bunny-s just started to grow familiar with me. It has sounded so intimate now. And that they are only from you to me.

Quality time, when we have it after a long distance is all we have. We either take it on the fast or the slow lane. No cheap island, no cheaper flights, no cheap tourist places. Just some quality time. Even only reading a book by the pool, trips to healthy food, paper in the morning, sipping drinks at the pub, chomping buffet and played some dress up. Slow dancing in public place at the balcony was so special to me. Gosh, why everything so movie-like?

Accepted

I almost felt the inside pompom goddess would jump out of me, waving her little pink pompons in hands singing "Oh Mickey, you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey!"

Because I have two great news I want to spread. Firstly, I won the USD 10 million lottery boyfriend lectured me not to buy. He said in the United States, lottery is considered bad and a kind of gambling, you bet on your luck, while poker game is a game of skill, and you don't play it by luck, you could live up just by playing professionally. I thought: how thrilling living only by playing game. I swear I'd love to live only by playing day in and day out and not to work my ass off building someone else's business.

Because that's what a degree is for. You learn so you work for someone richer than you.

But today, really, I become a millionaire in one night. Boyfriend is really impressed of me despite his lecture. God really bless me.

Now, the media has made me famous. I have to put you under the radar for a while. I'm sorry for that. I hope you don't mind. You know how people will stalk me and you on Facebook!

Secondly, I'm about to meet the man of my dream, very soon. This time is different as he will be coming on his private jetplane. He promised to take me to the Neverland to meet Tinker Bell and friends. An escapism of my routine and conservatism in the society. He said my mind is cluttered. So nice of him.

I'm really looking forward to see how both things will turn out - when money is well spent.

Life of Pi

which story you prefer?

I guess it makes my movie of the year, though it's only March, because every bit of it was spectacular and out of this world. I had never watched anything like it, just like The Avatar. From start to end, it was food for thoughts; food for soul. A movie which you must give a standing ovation and called out "Bravo! Bravo!" "Jalhaess-eo!"(잘했어) "太棒了!" "Yoku dekimashita!" (よくできました) "Gut gemacht!" and so forth.

I knew the movie was great, but sadly I couldn't understand the movie well. I wished I had thought more before I couldn't resist myself and googled up the message hidden in the movie! And I prefer one of the commentators review to the original analysis.  BE WARNED! DON'T READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE JUICY BITS!

Here's from Matt:

Last night I watched the film, read the comments and analysis on this page, and contemplated. Here are my thoughts.

The true story is without a doubt the “human” story.

However, the question we are asked is not which story is true, but which story we prefer.

The “animal” story is purely symbolic. Everything in the “animal” story has meaning, while the “human” story is merely a retelling of actual events. There is no hidden meaning in the “human” story; it is a brutal and devastating tale of a boy who encountered events none of us can even imagine. The “animal” story transmits almost the same tale, but gives meaning and symbolism to every part.

The question then becomes do we prefer an outlook on life that is symbolic, that has meaning, gives direction, and is not simply a set of random events. Or do we prefer the opposite, a realistic viewpoint in which we view the world “as is” and the events in our lives as ones without underlying meaning. Hence, the story that God prefers is the one that gives meaning to life.

Deeper analysis – Richard Parker vs. Pi = Animal vs. Human = Primitive nature vs. Rational nature.

Richard Parker represents our primitive nature, our animal qualities of survival. Pi cannot come to terms with the “true” story because he had to resort to cannibalism in order to survive (the psychological terror he faced with the fact that he had to eat the remains of his mother to stay alive). When Pi kills the fish for the first time, he thanks God for coming in the form of a fish in order to save “us”, which shows that Pi and Richard Parker are indeed one person. He feeds the fish to Richard Parker to keep “himself” alive.

The process of “training” Richard Parker symbolizes our dual nature even further. If he did not release his primitive instincts, the hyena or cook would have killed him. If he did not control his primitive nature, it would consume him. If he did not rescue his primitive nature (Richard Parker was drowning), his rational self would die because it would have no hope for survival.

Therefore, the underlying meaning of the story is that we have to “train” ourselves. Our primitive qualities can sometimes get the best of us, but we have to do our best to keep them in check or our primitive nature will consume our rational self and we will no longer be humans, we will be animals. Conversely, we need our primitive nature in our hopeless moments in order to give us a will to survive.

The island – in the “animal” story we are presented with a fictional place. This island almost certainly does not exist. Most likely, the storm (probably symbolizing the “awe” of God) dragged Pi’s boat to the shore of a deserted island. The symbolism of the island represents his loneliness and the self-consuming lifestyle of being alone without companions as the point of life is not merely staying alive.

Pi – represents the Buddhist view of life. In western thought, we consider life a straight line that has a beginning point (conception or birth for some of you) and an ending point (death). In eastern thought, life is represented by a circle because it is infinite, without beginning or end, as we are part of an eternal universe.

There is plenty of other symbolism in the story as you can even compare Pi to Christ. I do not know how to spell his birth name, but the name comes from the “pristine” French pool. In other words, Pi has a clean soul, as I do not believe he is shown committing a sin even one time in the movie. He also fully surrenders himself to the will of God.

I could go on and on, but I will stop here. This is truly a fantastic story.

After I read it, I realized what makes the movie a success. Something so abstract yet it relates so much to our beings as human, and it presented so well in the movie. But I couldn't even scratch the surface of it. Sigh!

A movie job well done.

Monster

has such pair of lovely green eyes.

I have my own thoughts. But sharing isn't caring. If I share, I would have been like cracking up the night sky with lightning, opening the gate of Hell and waking up the dead. I don't want to put your life at risk. That's why best thing in life always keep to ourselves; good thought is better to keep in our minds. Remember, silence doesn't mean you got my back. Lies can be beautiful too. Silence could be sharp weapon. And you know how sharp weapon works its magic.

 You have green eyes, because you don't have my brown eyes. And because you have green eyes, you want my brown eyes; thing you impossible to attain. You are disturbed for what I have, but I don't care what you have. Green eyes or brown eyes, I see through your heart, and it is not big. You should take my advice: Get out from the fluster. Gain peace for your mind. It is lack of oxygen.

Thank you for your enlightenment, darling. You have comforted me today. Your words has confirmed my doubts before. I am repressive, living under such environment. Moving for a change, never been a better idea.

Dora The Explorer

I'm like a lesbian, trying to accept the fact that she is alone, and have more preference towards the same-sex as she is growing up from teenager. Reality is cruel. I'm trying to accept the reality that I will only have a lover, because I'm a hopeless friend.

I'm not lucky as everyone else who could have hundreds of admirers, fans, friends, foes and hundreds of birthday parties to join. I'm just a lover, not a friend, because I lost that part many years ago.

We have different beliefs and stands. People could be in their own skin for 24/7 without getting bored, I truly admire them. But I believe that, putting on a little nice dress, or an especially nice heels, being a little naughty once in a while, is part of my nature. I guess you haven't known me.

I'm sure I am beautiful, and I believe every woman is beautiful, it is society that makes them look and feel ugly.

I'm an explorer and an adventurer. I have my eyes on new things that interest me. Trying on or being part of something new, is not the same as being an impostor. Impostor is a coward who afraid of being him/herself, who runs from reality.  I'm exploring, at the same time, I'm learning new things that become my interests or nightmares. Even if it is against what you believe in.


As Jen said:

"My personal belief is that true beauty comes from humility and really loving and accepting ourselves first, then having fun testing the waters and trying new things to boost our confidence. Makeup should be used to express ourselves and to feel good about ourselves, not as a mask to hide what we are afraid of. We have the freedom of change and to be who we want to be so let's have joy in playing with that gift!"

Love. Please don't take the only thing that I have away from me.

You are What You Think

Have you ever felt you were born in a place, but out of place? Or, as you are growing, you have a particular tastes out of the norm, and that particular taste is your niche?

No one would believe you. Brudda said "you never watched Hong Kong dramas anymore." He meant you've become the fruit banana - yellow skin from the outside, but white from the inside, though it is not pure white. To watch Hong Kong dramas or not, is a very subjective matter. To not watch it won't make you any less Chinese just because everyone is watching it.

You are a very complicated person. Your mind works so hard after I have read some of your blog posts. They say you are what you eat. I'd say you are how your mind works. But your mind works collaborate on your emotion as well. Of course, nutrients are for supplement (a-hem).

If you watched Cantonese or Korean dramas, does it makes you more of Asian? Do you behave like an Asian? If I watched more of Hollywood movies, does it makes me more of American? Do I behave like an American? Do you know exactly how Asian or American behave anyway? Based on "more open-minded" and "not open-minded" shit? What a simplistic and stereotypical mindset!

Oh please, just embrace whatever is right and act accordingly! Just don't be hurtful.

By the way, I enjoy watching Hong Kong dramas and never "american" dramas, only thing is I watch it on TV, not something I would particularly enjoy downloading. I don't watch Taiwan dramas or show because they are ridiculously not funny and lots of two-faced people in it. I stopped watching Koreans because they always revolve around the same content.

Sorry I'm not a universal viewer. I watch what I like.

Daddy's Girl, Brudda's Sis and Things I've Done

Please trust me, my mind is still with you. I have done something extra-ordinary this month-long school break, for just being with you, and you.

Your hair has grown grey, but you said you have grown more hair. I'm happy for you. My hair has grown longer, and waiting for my next hairstyle, maybe new color too. I wish you could give me some suggestions.

They say a father is the son's hero, and daughter's first love. But I took you as my hero since I was little, not Superman or Spider Man or Ken (Barbie's boyfriend). Maybe because of your big hand was holding my small hand, and your high, strong figure. I was protected, and I always love that. But you have stopped holding my small hand. The truth is, it only means it is my turn to hold your hand, maybe even right at this moment, when you are most in need. I'm sorry, I am not there. Just yet.

Thank you for your occasional treats and trips to the house. I indulged every sweet bit of it, and I loved spending time with you. Your insistence so I will always call, I will remember. I will see you very soon.

Thank you for the ticket. It was a long 2 hours flight home. Thank you for the trips to the restaurants and those delicious food, your very nice house and nice car. I'm happy for what you have achieved. I wish you have a very successful life and career.

They called it "tiger shrimp" in Chinese. Best shrimp of my life so far. One of brudda's treat.

Finally, got to watch a normal show on TV. Lucky me to bumped into Garfield. Chubby and mischievous little pet; selfish and so full of himself! Maybe that is cat's nature. Poor Odie!

Happy belated new year. Happy housewarming. Take care. Please don't forget me.

La paix, enfin!

Ahhh...it feels like you just got out from the toilet after releasing a bowl of human muffin. But with extra chocolate chips, if you asked me.

It's like, you stop running anymore. Someone has stopped hunting you down.

It's like, darkness has receded and lightning is taking over. From sun ray to sunshine, and I could bathe in without being furtive.

It's like, no more headache and heartache. You're free from the big C and your hair is growing back. You want a vacation in Maldives.

Your sincerity, your love, even the dead could feel and heaven knows. But, until God bestows us...we are still thousands miles apart.

It is you after all, the one who had hurt and the same who cures, not only put back the broken pieces but you free my mind from lockup when I was lost. As the Chinese proverb: 解铃还须系铃人。

On the day I told him, and the day I showed our happiness, I knew, things has changed. Our destiny has sealed tight. We are still waiting on everyone wishes.

People say, French is the language of love. I'd say, love per se is the language. Love is blind, and it makes me blind as well.

Who can overthrow us? We defy distance, culture, skin color, age, and nation, but...parents...just yet. (a-hem) With technology, we are the next generation of deux amoureux.

Je suis heureux! Je t'aime du fond de mon coeur.

Master of Null Wanted

Let me share what hit me lately.

I totally get people who are not interested in virtual relationship. Because it always starts out earlier, and "ABRACADABRA!" WHOOSH! People could just break up or disappear with a touch of the screen, or a turn of their backs. It is scary. As fast as how the next version of Samsung cellphone replaces its predecessors.

One moment you were honeymooning; the next moment you got a slap in the face. You have one reason to stay; another reason to leave.

Just like the name itself. Love is only artificial. Nothing absolute. If love is real in that space, it's either you see it or you don't.

It has been known as a very complicated world, yet you realize that's the only place you came to known about deep connection and love. Emotions could be so strong and sensitive sensor.

Place you feel at ease and able to find like-minded people, to be able to have lots of choices and options. It could be as easy job, and as many human varieties you could find. Could be your playroom and chat room. For free!

But how many are get down to business?

Want to be a Master of Virtual Lover?

Candidates must possess the following criterion:
1. high EQ.
2. a little bit of IQ.
3. time is a must
4. rich is preferable.
5. tons of ugly mugshots.

If interested, please contact me.

Don't think it's a bullshit.

Ted: Thunder buddies for life?

Have you ever came to a moment when your friend, or Ted was telling you: "I’m serious, John, I went over to your house to talk to Lori to try and take some of the heat off you, and I saw Rex picking her up. They were going to the Hatch Shell...No, John, we can get her back...We can get Lori back?"

You have to move to win her or him back, because when he or she is leaving on a private jet plane with a bimbo, or a rich, big belly aristocrat,  you might lose him or her for good. Or else you'd feel like a big L on your forehead.

I watched hundreds of scenes like that in both Cantonese, Korean, Japanese and Hollywood movies. I already felt unmoving. Probably there's no better way to screen it other than a hero or heroine on an adrenaline rush chase scene.

Sometimes, to show and not to tell is the best love strategy, or life strategy for that matter. Silence could be louder than sound. Bitch about your own love story makes things look bad. Bystanders are unbeknown of your experience. Not to mention we are from different field references.

I wondered earlier, how I would start out my post in a new year, first month. I never thought Valentine's came first before New Years, year flashback and new year resolution (ha! like I have one). My January post  is as a full jar of love. So, no love teddy bear, love chocolates and red hearts for the coming month of love.

My new status on FB takes effect from today. Happy Found Love day.

I Took Heart

In this world, your encouragement so I will keep on writing means a lot. If only it was brief, it spoke so loud you missed it. I took to heart since that day you lighted a fire under me.

It was precious came out from you. A rhythm of love - an only genre I listen to. Maybe I was spoiled. But Spoiled Brat is not my name.

Why you said I wouldn't like them? These gems spoke so much about you: as caring as a father, as understanding as a friend, as loving as a husband. No one knows me better than you.

Happy belated Christmas. A gift of the winter. I despise you. :*

Daniel

Remember 201314.

Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane. I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain.  And I can see him waving goodbye. Oh it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes.

They say Spain is pretty though I've never been.  And Daniel says it's the best place that he's ever seen. He should know, he's been there enough. Oh I miss Daniel, I miss you so much.

Daniel my lover you are older than me. Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal? Your eyes have died but you see more than I. You're a star in the face of the sky.

Familiar with the lyric? It fits everything. 

Walk From Earth to Mars

Walks, chocolate, cheese, western food, sickness, tea, presents and classic songs. Like I couldn't get enough of these.

Walk on this Pearl of Orient has always been a pleasant experience. Only thing that I regret was I didn't snap pictures of those little nice colorful old colonial shop-houses. We'd been down on wrong turns. Please don't blame on your misdirections. It was part of the fun and exploration.

I guess we found our favorite places to be. You kept saying good words about the first part of the accommodation; and we both turned off by the Boutique's. It was literally a boutique, nothing fancy about the experience except it was nice to see, but no better to stay in. You'd been to China House one time ahead of me. That must be your favorite place to be. Sorry I didn't snap good pictures there.

Our common ground was the first part of the Italian place was sucks. It was nice to see we broke the bank. Everything was hard to swallow: from communications, the menu to its food. Now everything comes together. I suddenly blamed her on my English illiteracy. You blamed her on yours too.

Are you happy? I dressed, I ate, I snuggled, I held hands, I drank, I kissed, I hugged, I lived like only you and I existed - the world hadn't born then. The whole planet was ours. The bliss I was in. Please tell me you were in it, and that you are happy too.

 

You brought me to places I would never dare to step into. And don't forget the tea above the sea. Probably because stepping into places like that burn not-enough holes in my pocket. 

The best of my existence, you said yours too. A good end of the former year; a perfect start for the new year. Happy new year, love.