Whenever a post get too personal, I'd resist the temptation to turn my blog into private mode. I wouldn't know how it'd effect my career portfolio.
Or my portfolio career.
But then the temptation of watching the blog viewer statistics to go up by day is also great. Just like always, we cannot have the cake and eat it too.
They say: no man is an island. Is that true? I wonder if that's scientifically or philosophically base. As most people, I believe in science.
I told you before, I needed a psychiatrist, still need one. You laughed and shrugged it off, thought I was out of my mind. But you didn't bring me a psychiatrist, even though you thought I was crazy about the idea. I must had laughed at you didn't believe me.
Now you said I have a personality problem. But you still wouldn't admit I'm crazy.
Shaman said my life will only bound by loneliness. I told you I believe it. I don't believe in no man is an island shit. I do well on my own, not with other people, or two people, or many people, or group of people.
Because when I'm with other people, I look crazier than normal. This sums it up:
“I've never been lonely. I've been in a room -- I've felt suicidal. I've
been depressed. I've felt awful -- awful beyond all -- but I never felt
that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering
me...or that any number of people could enter that room. In other
words, loneliness is something I've never been bothered with because
I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. It's being at a party,
or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel
loneliness. I'll quote Ibsen, "The strongest men are the most alone."
I've never thought, "Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and
give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I'll feel good." No, that won't
help. You know the typical crowd, "Wow, it's Friday night, what are you
going to do? Just sit there?" Well, yeah. Because there's nothing out
there. It's stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let
them stupidify themselves. I've never been bothered with the need to
rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn't want to hide in
factories. That's all. Sorry for all the millions, but I've never been
lonely. I like myself. I'm the best form of entertainment I have. Let's
drink more wine!”
―
Charles Bukowski
