Now, You Become Private

Turns out that, it wasn't my inadequacy. It is due to the fact that I never wholly get this kind of connection. Looking back, we didn't start off from as simple as making friends. The starting point was physical attraction. What a shame.

Now, it's either your way, or the highway. With all that being said and done, you have made a decision. You have abandoned me on the highway, so I will take the highway.

I won't blame you anymore. We started off on the wrong track. You never made it clear, but I took the bait anyway.

I see myself as has been hovering up in the sky seeing all that glitter, but it never has been gold.

Now, I put my feet to the ground. It has been so long. This is my time. My world does not revolves around you anymore.

I should settle down now. Start to make my life less complicated. Moving on to the next stage of my life. I should leave, maybe to an outskirt wouldn't be bad after all.

Worthless Whore

"What do you think I am? I've become his fcuk buddy. I may be a whore, but not a prostitute!

"He doesn't care about me. Who cares someone less than a friend? We even barely talk!

"I'm sick. Now you tell me to go ask money from him! Who do you think he is for me? A pimp or a boyfriend?

"You know what? He talked like I was pregnant of his child out of wedlock! He doesn't want to be involved in it other than that! I didn't even asked for money. I told him I'm sick.

"You have any idea how it feels like to be tossing around like that? I feel like a worthless whore! That's right, you like that? Not in a submissive way a bit I like about it! It's a bitchy moment of 'now I'm all used up, and you can dump me in a garbage' kind of feeling.

"Then I realized, you do love me. But as I always have thought, it is finite. You don't know how to care the moment I need you. The moment I need you, you think about money, cause you'd be thinking 'oh my, this is risky investment, the mighty dollar is at risk'.

"You know which is worst between you aren't there for me with the doctor; not willing to support me; and you're asking another guy to support me? The worst and last thing I need, is you asking another guy to support me.

"Well, I almost did. But before I got there, I saw the cue. I stopped and I cried. Because no one was there for me. My boyfriend from that moment on, has stopped being my boyfriend. And I'm the only one to be blamed. All that we have and never have, has been given up and to be forgotten."

You think you will get away with it? You better start praying.

Her

The impossible love.

"Sometimes I think I've felt everything I'm ever gonna feel, and from here on out I'm not going to feel anything new, just lesser versions of what I've already felt."

I always love how certain movies so related to my life, or our lives. This quote, sadly, captures how I feel and how I reacted to certain things. So I'm like waiting something new to happen.

Like a modern kid who no longer has taste in childhood games. Remember hopscotch, red hands, tag, house, rock-paper-scissors and my all-time favorite hide-and-seek? They have passed that phase and leap to smart gadgets of war games and bejewel.; we have passed that phase. These experiences have evolved into the cyber space, where human interactions is no longer required.

Set at a time of a near future, the individualist society can be observed through where people everywhere is constantly talking into the air with operating system and few people are interacting with each other. Technology development has evolved where instructions are given through human voice with less human touch. With our main character Theodore, he develops an unusual, unfruitful relationship with the voice of an operating system that equip with its own version of heart and mind.

Theodore's characters somehow reminds me The Trouble with Bliss. Theodore and Bliss, both dudes are sad characters. They both are confuse characters who have no clue at all. Both movies are a sad one-man show going through the rut and waiting something to happen (kind of like my life right now). I don't know if I should compare them; one is after his passion, another is after his love (if he is after it at all).

Sad character; sad love story.