False Hope

I don't remember the last time a person and false hope that I encountered. But this time it struck me pretty clearly.

I hardly seek for anyone, except when I truly desperate or the situation almost cannot be revived. I don't ask, I also don't wait for people to offer me. Until I was being offered and given choices, I snap and snap without question. When I snap, I feel like I was given chance, hope. And when you have hope, you pretty much praying hard for it.

Except it isn't.

It's like you have given up life. Your last will to live has been broken and you cannot trust anyone but yourself.

I trust my own independence. I guess that makes my inadequacy at depending on somebody. I'm not good at depending on anyone else because I don't trust easily, or maybe it's insecurity.

When you depend on somebody, there will be either dramas or conflict which I always try to avoid. They are mostly a waste of time than investing on your own independence, which will reward yourself much better in any way.

But I guess it hurts more when your most loved one gives you false hope. Someone you thought you can count on.

Anyway, it's material. No biggie.

Highlight of The Year

I had one close friend at the end of my high school year. We cared so much of each other, and she knew boyfriend. We spent especially many times together. But our close relationship didn't last.

For almost three years now, you came into my life. It is almost like a reincarnation. I met another kindred spirit. I have to say, you are. For some reasons, you attracted to a quiet person like me, and we end up living together. It is almost like unbelievable to me. 

I guess not many girls are like me, and not many people would want to mix with me because I hate groupies. But I have to admit, maintaining a friendship is as hard as making one.

Or maybe I just don't feel like being as friendly as a puppy and put up a bright smile 24/7, asking around 'how you doing today', it just not me. Maybe because I'm normally on a mission, saying hi is just getting my way; or I'm just plain arrogant.

Anyway, we just got closer. Pathetically, it just get me years to get warm up. Sometimes, I do things unbelievable, even to myself.

PS: I finally got praise from bf about my well-written previous post. Yay! Maybe I should consider to frame it. lolz!