Welcome to My World

Did I tell you my ambition was to become a supermodel some day when I grew up? At 5'2, height never stop me to be one.

I thank Mr.Octopus cause he's willing to be my camera man, and he is a professional camera man. He let me did all the poses and he was just snapping away. Unfortunately, Tyra Banks kidnapped my make-up artist. Did I tell you I was a Chanel model once? You must be very jealous of me by now.

I've known a girl. She is that kind of girl that would make guys and girls' hearts jump whenever she is around. Pretty and adorable, but too skinny. She doesn't have to do make-up like me to look even prettier. A guy told me once: "I like her. I'd take her out and be one of my walking flower vases and show her off to my friends. But she will never be my girlfriend, she's not my type."

Indeed, she's not my type either to fall in love with. She looks pretentious and just a little too adorable. Worse, she never dress to kill, like me. Probably she is not a model. Who should blame her?

I told San once:"Women dress to show off their bodies and their unique sense of dressing to other women. Not only to attract men and heighten up their self-esteems." She agreed with me. She was a better supermodel than I was back then. Lazy is not an excuse for a woman. I dress for self-expression and to the occasion. Not for you. I was born to stand out, not to fit in.

If your friend mind your dressing because you're dressed to kill, tell her to fuck off. She never knew you. You probably figure out by now that she is a walking sack. Abandon her.

This is just another post of narcissism and sarcasm. 

Addicted to You

You ever thought reading a book would make you feel having an affair?

Reading Fifty Shade's, I was like going behind your back. You never liked the book, but I went for it. I crossed the forbidden path.  Now, you smelled a rat.

Errmm...maybe I should be careful of what I'm saying. But sorry, blog is my only friend that understands me. I hope you understand me too. She is above all. There's no other sanctuary for me whenever I get hurt, not even human beings to comfort me. Because human can be intentional and hurtful. She is nothing like human. I will never lie and only be honest to her. So please bear with me.

I like whenever a surprise ending to a story. Mostly I'd rather, tragic surprise, or sad.

Ana left Grey. Yes, he deserved it. He was clueless in love and relationship as much as he was clueless of how he felt about her. Men could be so smart and dumb; a douche and a sacrificer at the same time. But not you. I have you now, yes I stopped having him, and going back to your arms.

Well, maybe you were dumb once, but you said you could do better and treat me better next time. Is that a promise? Not an empty one I hope.

Do you think you changed because of me? Will you change because of me? Are you doing yourself a favor? And our favors.

Go to a new place. Explore. Get out of your comfort zone. Thrill me, amaze me, do something that brings happy tears. Break from the cocoon. You have no idea how beautiful you are once you are out there, flying.

Urrgghhh...!

You are still the bastard you were!

I wish I was a small child again, to throw tantrum on the floor, kicking, scream out loud, throw some things, break something, bite something. Greatest of all, I wish to punch you in the face black and blue.

I knew you were up to something. Yes! This time I'm not that stupid like I was. All the twists and turns, forward and backward talks, I'm really at my wits' end.

I gave you my all once, I regretted it. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! Please don't make me give up the only thing that's left of me.

No empty promises. I can endure no more.

Internal Conflict

You're back.

Yes, I admit, my inner goddess is in seventh heaven.

Forgive me if I mentioned too much of Anastasia Steele, I just couldn't help it, because I never thought of my love story was mirrored in a fairy tale. I'm her.

You were really a selfish person. I was mad. What had happened to you, I couldn't be like Ana to feel sorry for you. You left me clueless and made my own conclusion, but now you're here. How do you think this makes me feel? You always do that you know that. You left all the decisions in the world to me, then you'd walk away. Take no responsibility - "That's your shit." My shit.

Maybe it's how you play it. I don't get it.

I still haven't got a clue what you want from me. You could say everything confidently, but then at the end, it all boil down to me? Why? Because "someone" unexpected came up?

What? So that it would make you feel good now that everything is explained? So you paid your due and have no regrets in your deathbed?

Please, you haven't reached your point. Where supposed you're going? Tell me what you want from me. Free my mind.

If this is all you got, I guess this is it. You will never make it right.