A Passerby Worth Remember

I am a helper. I don't care who you are - a good stranger, an acquaintance, or nobody - I will help you because I am capable. I am easy going, although I am unapproachable.

I met a new acquaintance whom I did not speak to, though I'd not say a new friend. Because I knew once we departed, we will never meet again.

Sometimes when you help too much, you just don't know what you got yourself into. I told myself this is a test, a phase. I am an extremely patient woman. A very peaceful one.

Sorry to say, in my case, elementary school friends is a phase, high school friends is a phase, university friends is a phase. You have to be realistic. Because they are your entertainers, gossipers; they keep you happy just for the moment; when you need help, you are too embarrass to ask; or they simply pretend you are not there.

At times, you just don't know why you are there. What is your purpose when you neither entertainer nor a host. Merely shadow. When you are there, you are invisible; when you are not there, people keep asking around.

I call them, hypocrite. You do not serve my purpose; I do not serve yours. I am neither a friend nor an acquaintance.

Just a passerby.

Merely Blah Blah

One evening, I told one of my frens:

"I think I have autism. At least I have certain features. I like to be alone."

"Nope. I think you are very independent. You're quite resistance sometimes and that makes you cool. I think it's good."

We see each other everyday. I'm not sure she doesn't know things much, or she simply doesn't know me well.

One day, I told my bf:

"I think I'm an autistic."

"Yes, you have some signs of it. It's good you recognize it. Some people don't get diagnosed until middle age."

My soul mate. My carer. He speaks from his heart.

The next day, I told my other fren:

"I think I have certain features of autism. I don't like people and very much like myself better. I'm pretty much in my own world. I like to do things on my own."

"...huh, really...?"

"I told my bf, and he said it's good I recognize it..."

"Wahh...yer...," she twisted her face and chuckled. She thought I was trying to get her attention, and trying hard to make her day with my statement. Then she keeps tapping her Samsung phone away.

Few hours ago, I told my bf:

"Yesterday, I was so awkward to have lunch with Dr who I haven't started talking to since the semester starts two months ago. Last night was awkward too with another Dr. Everyone at the table was talking and laughing to make the night super-fantastic, I was silent and laughing along even though I didn't get the joke...

"My dramatic step is to avoid people, so at the end of the day, I don't have to be bothered with people and my own problems. I'd rather change route and comfort myself it's good to exercise, take a long walk home."

"Hmm...I think you over-think."

He made a point. After we both analyze everything, among other things too.

My comforter.

So much of autism.