First Time

When I look back on, I wish I had talked and acted differently during those 9 days. There were a lot of times of the things I said, or the way I acted which made you feel uncomfortable and alien to you. Hence, I got the notion I wasn't the apple of your eyes. That I wasn't the girl you always hoped me to be.

That was the very first impression which I thought was the most critical in our first meeting. In a way, I might had let you down. If only I cared enough, if only I'd known how to act in front of you, how to react when you're hurt.

But I only stood there and watched you in pain, listening to your frustration and curse. Kept quiet.

Maybe you're disappointed of me.

I hope, in our next meeting, I'll be able to present myself openly and freely, inside out. I don't want to make you wonder and have second thought about me.

9 days wasn't enough for me. 9 days wasn't enough for me to know about you in depth. It wasn't enough for you to see my true self. Nothing in those 9 days were ever enough. If only we could spend more time together.

What is left only memories. Sweet and sour.

Live Through The Grapevine

This month I got a whole lot of distractions left and right, up and down, and still is. I started out pretty shaky in my first semester. Biological clock is a mess. Still in the process of how and where to place myself, what should I involve in, what kind of people ought and worth to meet. People gossip, I felt numb really, like my heart suddenly frozen into solid ice. They thought I didn't know, but I live through it since high school. I know myself better than anyone.

Though nothing bad, gossip is not always bad. But it quite controversial to me, of what people say. I know I didn't hurt anyone, and I don't, but my self image has present some kind of stereotypical thoughts.

Yes, I know it's something quite unusual. Very alien stuff.

I learn to live it and turn both ears deaf. Hardly allow it to shake me.

I guess this is how I learn to live. Day by day.

Paradise for Two

We were finally there. Though the world hadn't known. Just the two of us baby.