A Thousand Pieces

A few days ago, I cried. Since a few days ago, I start to cry inside. Nowadays, I'm more like crying inside.

Maybe I'm too heartbroken and too angry to well up my tears, I don't mean to get blind anyway. But crying inside is far way too painful for me to endure, too hard for me to breath. I wouldn't want to think it as a form of emotional suppression. It's not. Between crying out loud and crying out hard and loud inside, the impact is the same to me.  

But crying inside, it shown all over my face. Can't lie to and can't hide from no one.

I'm crying is because I felt hopeless; I'm angry is because I felt being ridiculed like a clown.

After all these years, it only comes down to nothing. It was so easy for you to say it loud and clear in a few words, but just as words could be as sharp as sword, it pierced through the same core of mine.  All the waiting until the cows came home, and my sacrifices, my almost-sacrifices. It's like going back to square one, if there's ever a square one. It happened once, and now it's happening again. I should have known better. Family was right, the other dimension was not worth the exploration. Aliens are crooks. They play hard to get. 

Well, guess what, YOU get nothing!!!

An Imaginary Friend

I'm so heartbroken. Streams of tears ran down my face. I've just lost faith in something and somebody. Somebody that has never truly existed, yet in another dimension.

Maybe this time will open a whole new dimension. A new chapter of my life, when everything around me hasn't changed that much. Because things that I used to have faith in, were never truly materialized. But a hoax!

A beautiful lie.

Saving is Making

"Yeah, saving money is important. Saving too much and not using it is useless. And what's the point in saving money anyway?" My father said a few weeks ago. I was suddenly dumbstruck by the statement then.

I knew I'd read about financial topics before, especially Rich Kid Smart Kid. But I felt a big apple caught in my throat. I should have had tell him off instead. I believe that the above statement would only comes out from a low financial IQ person. A person without financial planning and goals in life. Plus, it's my father's low financial IQ that has ended him up like the way he is today.

When my parents was young, neither had any financial knowledge and life goals as big vacations, or early retirement plan. Early retirement plan was something nonexistent. So what had and has been on their minds is simply "Ok, we're going to raise the kids up, pay their university, get them decent jobs so that they can feed us when we aren't longer spring chickens".

So, here they are, lounging at home, become couch potatoes instead, without any retirement funds and any life insurances. Just get "paid" by us the working adults, and that is only for the daily expenses. Nothing more, nothing less.

I wonder somehow, if they ever thought about it up to this point? Sure, they really want to get indulge in a faraway vacations and see the world and now that they don't have that kind of money - the "saved" money, which supposedly they should had put away during their young ages. But saving is also means planning for the retirement, not "saving is pointless".

I just feel more to them each day, feeling the time passes by, and their time slipping away. I wish that they had that kind of knowledge when they were young. By now, I might just happy and content knowing that they are somewhere, again in another part of the globe, watching the grass which is greener, the sun is warmer, and the winter is colder. (well, we don't have four seasons in Malaysia, do we?)

Morsel of Liberty

I'm awkwardly to say that I had never stayed at a hotel before, let alone ever been on a solitary journey or trip. But last Friday, 29th of April 2011, after 22 years, marks my rite of passage. After all those years that I'd been looking forward to. I'd tasted the thrill of being free.

It actually was not a vacation. I got a called for my USM Communication interview which fell on 30th of April in Kota Kinabalu. That short interview meant my short trip to KK, and I was on cloud nine to take a solitary trip for the interview. Eventhough I didn't get to sightsee the city, I was elated nonetheless. I'd say it was the best memory I had so far, especially I had also got the chance to grab McDonald as my main meals during my visit in KK, since McDonald isn't available in Tawau. I ate only McDonald's for my whole stay there! Breakfast (BigBreakfast with hashbrown. I loved hashbrown), lunch and dinner. I looove every bite of it! Three meals a day! But my stomach could only take in that much. Nothing in between.

Nothing could ever beat freedom. Freedom brings more money, more happiness; less disputes, less problem to the world. Freedom is when you're on top of the world.

Weekdays Blue

Since works started a few months ago, all I've been waiting and will always is Friday - the end of the workdays. During schooldays, all I always looking forward to was Thursday, because when Thursday came, the next day would be Friday - the last day of school. Of course, when Friday came, that was the exciting day, because it would meant the next two days were weekend.

Now that I started this job, Friday is the day I always looking forward to, because it meant the next day, which is Saturday, I work half the day - the morning. I never understand what it meant when they said "monday blue", now I'm so familiar with it, to the extent that how I dread it so much, but not only my Monday is blue, the next three days are all blue, blue and gloom, and glum.

I dread every second, every minute, every hour, every workday of the week, simply because how I despise my work. How I despise my boss, wishy-washy, show-off boss.

I can't wait for this end of the month. When the last day comes, it's the day when he will receive my resignation letter. Two months notice in advance. Before school starts. Ohhh...how I miss studies again after all these months.

USM Mass Communication Interview 2011

The interview questions were so predictable. They had this questions ready on the papers, which I assumed were similar to all the interviewees of the course who walked in through the door. They were all so easy as not what I had predicted earlier prior to the interview. My interest is in Journalism. But the panels asked the general questions and basic knowlegde of Mass Comm. So it's better to be ready for those questions.

All in all, I consider myself that I did well. Though I did a few blunders. Those expressions didn't change much when I stared back at them which was hard for me to know whether my answers fit them well.

Well, it's history now.